Challenges

           Recently, someone very near and dear to my heart told me that she loved my blog and requested that I write more. I had been thinking about a lot lately and many events have occurred in my life lately, but I just had not spent the time to write them down. I guess part of me thought, ‘does anybody really care what I have to say?’ And, it didn’t occur to me until the recently when this very sweet, kind, person said, “p.s. I love your blog!” that the people that matter do care and that’s all that matters. That person really touched my heart!

            My life is a constant roller coaster (I’m sure you can relate). One minute I am up at the top of the world, the next minute I am way down in a bottomless pit. Yet, somehow, I find the strength to climb back up to the top again; although sometimes challenging, very possible… but how? (You might ask). It’s simple, trust in God.

            I have had a challenging life full of trials and tribulations (have you?) and I can honestly say that without God I would not be who I am today, I would not be where I am today, and I would not have the strength to climb back up to the top when I feel like I am in a bottomless pit.

            I do not express a lot of my emotions to many people, maybe I should, but it’s hard. There are two people that always know what is going on in my life; God and my husband. I often put up a wall, not a trait that I am proud of, and put on a face that leads people to believe I am okay. But really, I am not always okay. I’ve learned that the only way I am going to be okay is to turn to God. And maybe God won’t provide me with a direct response or answer, but I know that some way or another he will show me why things are the way they are (Although sometimes I don’t like the answer, it’s His will and that’s all that matters).  

Smiling through my journey

Remember when I said that I am a true believer of "everything happens for a reason". Well, I'm going to say it again... EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON! Not very long ago I told Chad that I laugh when I see people driving down the road all by themselves with a huge grin on their faces. I always thought, "what do they have that makes them smile so big?" I found the answer, it's God! When I was a child I went to church on a regular basis. Every Wednesday service, every Sunday morning service, and every Sunday evening service and during that time I was always happy & smiling. Going to church was fun to me. I loved seeing the members or the church, I loved singing (the music was always my favorite part), and I loved praying! Some events happened that lead me away from church and I could sit here and say that was the worst thing that happened, but it's not. And the reason I say it's not is because I can say that some good things came into my life while I was away from church. The number one thing is my husband. I am so blessed to have him in my life and I am so even more incredibly blessed to have the two children that we have had together. We have a beautiful daughter and a handsome son and I could not ask for more. Now, as I reach a point in my life where I feel like I need to fill a void in my heart, I realize that there is something more to smile about... I am smiling because of the journey I am partaking in. My journey with God in my life again. For a long, long, long time I had been telling Chad that I wanted to go back to church, but we never did... I guess it had a lot to do with fear, anxiety, etc, etc, but it also had a lot to do with what I didn't want to give up. Yet, the things that I didn't want to give up are really not worth keeping anyway. It just took me a long time to see that. But, now I can smile knowing that I am on the journey that God intended for me. So, as I was driving home after having lunch with my wonderful, amazing, awesome, very handsome husband, I looked at my two children sleeping in the back seat, I thought about how my recent journey began, I thought about how great a feel at this very moment, I thought about how many things are going to be different in my life (in a good way),  I listened to the music on the radio which sounded like it was a message to me, and I SMILED!! I smiled so big that I laughed because I thought to myself... I am one of those goofy looking people driving down the road with a HUGE grin on my face and someone is probably laughing at me, but then I thought, "WHO CARES!". I plan to continue smiling while driving down the road too! I am blessed to have the life that I have and I would not change to be any other way!

P.s.
I have to say thank you to my wonderful husband for putting up with my hormonal roller coaster over the past few months. A lot of it had to do with pregnancy, then having a baby, then transitioning from being a student to just being a stay at home mom, but I can honestly say that I feel so good about things right now and if it weren't for my wonderful, supportive husband (and the Lord, of course) I would not be where I am today, so thank you my love! I love you!

P.s.s.
I also have to warn my husband that I am still a very emotional person. That, I'm afraid, is never going to change! (I think he knows that though)

Peyton and Liam - She loves, loves, loves her baby brother!

Daddy and P

Mommy and P

Love

Daddy and Liam - He looks just like his Daddy

**Cheese**

Mommy and Liam

Sneaky little boy sucking on his thumb instead of his pacifier

How can I not smile????????????????? I have the perfect family!

Beginning

I'm beginning to see things in a new way. I am a true believer in the phrase "everything happens for a reason". I know that it is hard to understand what that reason is at the time, especially when you are going through it, but believe me... everything happens for a reason. I've been struggling lately with all of the changes that are occurring in my life. You would think that just graduating with my Bachelor's Degree in Psychology would make me super excited... it does, but it's been a rough adjustment for me. Since shortly after I met Chad I have been a student (that's six years of my life).  I worked full time for most of my two years at Crafton, and then I worked a little as a server through part of my pregnancy with Peyton, but for the last two years of my college education I was a mother and a full time student (during both of my pregnancies). Being a student was my social time, my escape, my future... and then, it was OVER! Kind of devastating, if you ask me. Don't get me wrong, I plan on going back. I know it doesn't have to be over forever but for now it's over. It's a hurdle into a new part of my life that I really didn't prepare too well for; I didn't really know I had to. I thought, "hey, school's over and now I can relax, enjoy being a wife and a mother, have some free time." HA! I am not the free-time kinda gal!! (Ask my husband) I need to be busy, busy, busy! That's been my life since I can remember... always on the go. I can do it with my eyes closed, hands tied behind me back, baby on one hip, two year old climbing on my back... I have to be moving... or else... And I need people in my life. So, graduating has been tough, but I have come to realize some good things about this... Chad and I recently began attending Yucaipa Christian Church and I realized that God has been by my side. I was feeling kind of depressed to be honest... not having school, not having most of my family to support me in my journey through life (the family is a complicated topic for another time), thoughts running wild through my head.... but then we started going to YCC and I realized that there was a purpose for me again. I got involved. I joined MOTS (Mother's of Toddlers) and signed up for the Women's Bible Study. Through both I have met some wonderful women who I hope to someday call "friends". These woman are an inspiration and a god sent gift to me. I realized that I am not alone. There are mother's out there who experience some of the same things I do, there are mother's out there who need support just like I do, there are mother's out there who don't have all the answers either... I guess there are mother's out there who are just like me. That's good to know! If I were still in school at this very moment in time, I would not have had the opportunity to do all the wonderful things that I am doing. So, for that I am very thankful and feel very blessed. I know that there are going to be some people who are going to try to get in my way or say things that are hurtful or judge me for turning to God, but hey, I'm just going to let them because it goes back to my favorite quote of all time... "YOU SEE, IN THE FINAL ANALYSIS, IT IS BETWEEN YOU AND GOD; IT WAS NEVER BETWEEN YOU AND THEM ANYWAY!"